Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Lockdown

I always claim I deal with emotion well. I am beginning to think that may be a matter of opinion. 

What do you do when you feel yourself getting wound up, angry stressed, upset? Well I put those emotions away until I choose to deal with them. I don't know if everyone is capable of doing that? They get sent to the 'I'll deal with this later' part of my brain. 

I store them all up and then choose a day or two (depending on what I have collected) to go into hiding, or as I prefer call it, 'lockdown'. 

Lockdown is MY time to do what I want with. It pretty much always involves eating my favourite food and not getting out of my PJs. I may choose to cry, get angry, think things through or write things down but the main and most important part of lockdown is avoiding any kind of social interaction. This does not mean that if I want to leave the house that I can't, it just means I pretend people don't exist if I do and sometimes watching the dogs run around a field whilst I sit with my headphones in is just the kind of activity I need. If it's raining that's even better! There's nothing more satisfying than walking in the rain when you have allocated lockdown time. When else can you be completely and utterly miserable? 


You may think I'm odd. I mean how can being miserable make me better and happier? Well my theory is that it's because I am in control, that I choose when, where and how. 

I have the ability to take myself to place in my mind where no emotion or thoughts exist. I only ever really need this skill whilst in hospital because if I had to think and feel all I would think is 'I hate my life, get me out of here' and all I would feel would be negative emotions and ain't nobody got time for that shit!

Make no sense? Well it works for me! I emerge like a butterfly, ready to spread my wings and face the world! 


I'd be interested to know about other peoples coping mechanisms? I have been particularly stressed out and short tempered lately but I can't quite figure out why so I have chosen to start on online CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course which is recommended by mental health charity, Mind. 

So far I have learnt that I am currently in the mid to high range with depression symptoms and low for anxiety symptoms. I tend to think I know myself well but it has been good and it has identified one thing about my personality that I wasn't aware of. 

If you fancy a go yourself have a look for moodgym online! 

Bye for now! XxX

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