Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Sharing shit.

Ok. Let me try this sharing shit.

I'm really angry. I am tired ALL of the time. Like ridiculously. Like I feel stupid and like I can't function properly and like my brain is not engaged half of the time.

I thought long and hard about having my pouch reconnected and went and did it anyway back in November in the hope that it wouldn't flare again.

I have pains back in my side already that aren't even related to the Pouchitis; they were caused by my twisted intestine last time and are above the pouch. I'm confused. Surely it can't be twisted again!? It was odd that it had even happened the first time! I wonder if it is all in my head... but it's not. It can't be, I can feel it!

Since the last reversal my pouch has been 'ok'. The frequency has been more than normal but that's not too much of a bother but I keep having accidents at night. This is annoying as this also never happened with the pouch before. It's the same pouch for Christ's sake!

I had a cancer scare that caused me a lot of stress for weeks on end. I've seen the IBD nurse and she has upped my Loperamide in an attempt to stop the accidents, which seems to have worked but they are making me feel uncomfortable and bloated .

I have a flexi sigmoidoscopy booked in for next Wednesday to check for inflammation etc which I wasn't feeling when I saw the nurse last Thursday but now I am! I'm pretty uncomfortable at the minute... and again, angry.

My face has been/ is being stupid. Acne and psoriasis have been plaguing me! What are the chances that I would have a dry skin condition and greasy skin condition at the same time!! I hate my face! I've got new meds for the acne, new creams to calm the psoriasis and am finally seeing an improvement. But still... I hate my face.

I have an appointment to see the surgeon on April 2nd because I'm going to need them to cut my scar open and remove the stitches that are currently still poking out of it! I had this done twice before on the other side and whilst they are not poking out of the skin they are still just under the surface. I will speak to him about the pain in my side and expect to have to have barium xrays again at northern general. Northern general is a ball ache anyway because it's an hour away in the car and I don't drive so I'm always having to call on my dad to taxi me around.

So that's where I am.

I am fed up. If I have Pouchitis then Imfliximab is my only option left to try after exhausting all other medications.

It probably looks like I am making a mountain out of a mole hill but in my head I am completely exhausted and I just feel like the battle never ends. After 8 years with IBD I am now officially 'tired'.

That's all I got. I feel like that's all I am.


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